|
|
|
|
heartbeats4love.rediffiland.com/
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
TRY THIS
TRY THIS
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor
and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your
right hand.
Your foot will change direction!!!
Ahah; I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it.
|
|
| | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
BEST"OUT-OF-OFFICE"E-MAIL AUTO REPLIES:
Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies: 1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail toget the position .2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of theoffice. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removedso that I may be promoted to management5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send meuntil I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail willbe deleted in the order it was received.6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for thefirst ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and isunable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sendingagain.'( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how manyin-duh-viduals did this over and over).8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. Youare currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply inapproximately 19 weeks.9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PCfor my response.10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother toleave me any messages.11: I've run away to join a different circus.AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta' instead of 'Steve
|
|
| | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
FACTS
1. Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 other million people
in the world?
2. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation
laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
3. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
4. Banging your head against a wall uses an average of 900 calories an hour.
5. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
6. The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.
7. "I am ." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
8. The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it
refers to a distinct part of DNA.
9. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
10. Feb 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
11. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
12. Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
13. Every time you lick a stamp,you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
14. Cat's urine glows under a black light.
15. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
16. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
17. Babies are born without knee caps.They don't appear until the child
reaches 2-6 years of age.
18. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
19. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
20. The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each
gallon of diesel that it burns.
21. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike
factory workers in Malaysia combined.
22. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers
in the 30's lobbied against hemp farmers they saw it as competition.
23. You know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than
by a poisonous spider.
24. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
25. There are 2 credit cards for every person in the US.
26. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
27. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
28. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
29. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds,dogs only have about ten.
30. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears
never stop growing
|
|
| | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
CHILDLESS COUPLE
Childless coupleThere once was a husband and wife who were unable to have children. After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest."My children," the priest began, "The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning an extended stay in Rome, and while I'm visiting the Vatican, I will light a candle for you.""Thank you, Father, thank you!" said the couple.Before leaving, the priest turned and said, "I am sure everything will work out just fine for you. My stay in Rome will be for quite some time--15 years. But when I return, I will be sure to pay you a visit."And so, 15 years came and went, and the priest returned to the States.While resting on his porch one mid-summer morning, he remembered the promise of paying a visit that he had made 15 years ago. So he made his way to their home, and upon arriving at the residence of the couple who'd sought his council years earlier, he rang the doorbell.Sounds of crying and screaming children filled the air! Overjoyed by the thought that their prayers had been answered, he entered the house. More than a DOZEN children filled the house from top to bottom! In the midst of all the chaos, stood the wife."My dear," the priest said, "your prayers have been answered! And where is your husband? I wish to congratulate him too on your miracle!""He just left for Rome," she said in a very desperate tone."Rome? Why did he go to Rome?" asked the priest.. . . . . . .  "To blow out that candle you lit !"
|
|
| | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
TOAST
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night.
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, John, what was your toast?" John Said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John," Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised myself! You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".
|
|
| | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
SHERLOCK HOMES
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,  | Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. | | Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. | | Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. | | Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. | | Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. |
But what does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes is silent for a moment. “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!” |
|
| | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
WHY????????OOOOO???WHY???????
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on " insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, " It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, " That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes ?
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
|
|
| | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
INTERVIEW
Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and fourapples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant withone hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33 R ank ) Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for awhile and said,"my choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted in! to reality as his admission depends on thecorrectness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's theDAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked,
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
|
|
| | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
IT IS TRUE...........21st CENTURY
Our communication - Wireless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labor - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Less and less
|
|
| | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
CUSTOMS CHECK
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.
Is there any way you could carry it through Customsfor me? Under your robes perhaps?""I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.""With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.
"When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.
"The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead,Father."Next."
|
|
| | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
